"In case you have two children, choose the one you love the most to help him or her first."
Such wisecracking announcements are standard fare on Kulula, a discount carrier that relies on humour to secure its place in South Africa's skies.
"Humour has been part of Kulula from day one," said Heidi Braurer, the airline's marketing chief. "It is well to be easy and funky, but this is serious business, too."
Since launching in 2001 as Africa's first low-cost carrier, Kulula has become South Africa's number two carrier, powered by ad campaigns that have costumed ordinary flyers as cape-wearing superheros, under its slogan "Now anyone can fly".
Their planes could be painted with cows, or arrows marking the nose and tail. And they never hesitate to turn to news headlines for inspiration.
"With a tiny budget, we needed to be seen," said Braurer.
"We couldn't guarantee that we would always be cheapest, especially as the national carrier (South African Airways) had a history of cost-cutting to drive out new entrants to the market."
The airline's name means "it's easy" in Zulu, she said, and the original idea was to make flying simple, at a time when the non-budget SAA dominated routes.
But the company did not come from nothing. It's part of British Airways' local partner Comair, which operates both airlines. Comair has been flying since 1946 and is listed on the local exchange, with BA holding an 11 percent stake.
Over the last decade, Kulula has claimed 20 percent of the domestic market and transports 2.4 million passengers a year, with several no-frills challengers following it into the skies.
"It is a very good case study," said David Blyth, marketing manager at Yellowwood ad agency.
"It is a very difficult market, very competitive," he said. "What they did very cleverly is giving humour, bringing an ambiance: as a passenger, you think you are a personality, you get more for the same price."
"We don't hire them as comedians"
The flight crew's outlandish announcements have become kulula's brand, helping passengers forget that they have to pay for their snacks.
Flight attendants threaten to test passengers who ignore the safety announcements, and urge everyone not to leave their children behind.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cape Town. You can disembark in a moment. Except for the hunk in 13A, who is welcome to stay," one flight attendant said upon landing, leaving everyone scouting the plane only to realise there's no row 13.
"They are encouraged to be interacting and original, but not insulting to anybody," Braurer said. "We don't hire them as comedians, we hire them as flight attendants."
The airline also knows how to capitalise on headlines to get people talking.
During the 2010 World Cup, kulula defied football governing body FIFA, which barred the airline from using the phrase "World Cup" in its ads.
In repsonse, Kulula offered free tickets to anyone named Sepp Blatter, like FIFA's president, finally giving a flight to "Sepp Blatter the dog", who became an Internet star.
"Challenging for them to keep it interesting"
Last year it offered to pay "lobola", a groom's traditional wedding gift for his bride's family, for Prince William to marry Kate Middleton. The question posed to passengers: "How many cows do you think Kate is worth?"
The local airlines industry is facing a pinch, with kulula's parent company Comair just announcing its first-ever financial loss.
"Once you play in a territory, you have to make it work all the time, it is very challenging for them to keep it interesting," Blyth said.
"But they have some issues now. They have to cope with ever increasing costs on fuel and a very increasing airport access cost. It is hard to keep on being humorous in those conditions. They are facing a tough time."
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