It was only when I started up a conversation with her that I realised she had learnt the phrases, but knew nothing else. So our conversation went something like this:
"Is the food delicious sir?"
"Yes it is delicious, thank you. Your English is very good. How long have you been studying English?"
"Would you like more tea sir?
"Er, yes I would thank you. What is your name?"
"You are welcome to come again sir?"

And so we went on. When she had used up all of her memorised phrases out of context for the second time I resorted to my limited Chinese, but the young lady was insistent. She wanted to use her English. Needless to say we got nowhere in a hurry. The meal was good though.

There is no doubt that China is serious about learning English. It has been reported in the media that about five million Beijing residents should be able to speak English before the 2008 Olympics Games, according to a plan to promote the language.

The English Police?
The Beijing plan has come up with quotas for different skill levels of a cross-section of Beijingers. Public servants under 40 are required to speak a minimum of 300 English sentences before 2008, according to a media report. Bus drivers and stewards need to know 100 English sentences by that date, while shop assistants under 40 needed to pass a diploma test for retail English. Police, taxi drivers, hotel employees and restaurant staff are also part of the specified group in the plan.

Apart from English, police officers will also be taught Japanese, Russian and Arabic to enable them to handle traffic control, safety checks, first aid and other situations.

At the moment it is said that just over three million Beijingers can carry on a simple English conversation. Now if my waitress was one of these three million, I am wondering what exactly constitutes a simple English conversation!

The five million target is approximately 35 percent of the city’s present permanent population. Monitoring the levels of proficiency should be interesting. Perhaps there will be a division of 'English Police' who will appear unannounced and demand a recitation of 10 sentences, before making notes in a ledger and disappearing into the night. If nothing else one has to admire the grand level of commitment by the Beijing Olympics Organising Committee. But if progress in the spoken word is being made, the written word is way out on a limb.

Every foreigner who has travelled in China has a story to tell about the English-language signs that have been spelt incorrectly, confusing tourists and providing a constant source of amusement. They can be found on billboards, menus, in public places and even on pirate DVD covers.

"Up your bottoms!"
Awhile back the Beijing Tourism Bureau held a six-month campaign to improve basic English usage at 60 famous scenic spots visited by foreigners, such as the Palace Museum and the Great Wall. People coming across a confusing sign were asked to phone a hotline and report their find to the bureau for correction.

Problems range from obscure abbreviations, word-for-word translation of Chinese characters into English, improper omissions and misspellings. Some of my favorite 'Chinglish' blooper signs are:

• "Little grass is smiling slightly, please walk on pavement" — in a Beijing park. I wonder where you’ll need to walk when the grass smiles strongly?
• "Please keep your legs" — next to the escalator. Yes we wouldn’t want anyone else walking off with them!
• "Reduces signs of premature senility" — on a bottle of face cream. This could be handed out to most of the world’s parliaments, for a different kind of smear campaign.
• "Don't forget to carry your thing" — in the back of a taxi. Heaven forbid leaving your 'thing' behind. Best to keep it in hand at all times.
• "To take notice of safe. The slippery are very crafty" — sloped entrance to mall opposite Beijing Railway Station. Yes, make sure you’re safe, these crafty slipperies are everywhere.
• "No fight and scrap, no rabble. No feudal fetish or sexy service permitted in the park" — at the Ming Tombs. Well, I guess you’ve never had a fetish until you’ve had a feudal fetish.
• "Those who are drunk, sick or below 1.1m are forbid to take part in suck game!" — at the entrance to a Beijing park. I guess if you’re tall, healthy and sober you can suck away?
• "Unnecessary touching" — above automatic taps at Beijing airport. Look Ma, no hands!

While we laugh at these, as expats part of what we can do is try to help. Being in a foreign country undergoing change means that whether we like it or not we become part of that change.

Having a conversation with a waitress practising her English, and pointing out what reply will come from a statement, is a start. But if the city is serious about rectifying the 'Chinglish' signs that adorn the capital, they need to work with expats on a permanent basis, not only for a few months at a time. Many people feel the signs make Beijing one big amusement park and are part of the city’s character, but if it's a positive image Beijing is after, the 'Chinglish' signs have got to go. As with most things in life, you just can’t have it both ways.