I have a mixed history with boats. Casting a line off a houseboat on Lake Kariba at dawn, snorkelling off a catamaran on a Mauritian reef, drifting under the Golden Gate Bridge on a San Francisco ferry at sunset, all make for sepia-toned memories of complete delight. But choking down a kebab of unspecified canine origin on an Indonesian ferry, packed into a space a sardine would have sued over on the crossing from Dar es Salaam to Zanzibar, throwing up violently over the side of a deep sea fishing boat in the Gulf of Exmouth off Western Australia: these are experiences that still inspire a shiver of dread.

As such, I view the sea with a certain wariness, appreciative of lobster and coral reefs and luxury yachts, but well aware of just how nasty the ocean can become when the mood takes it (there are few conditions to match the wholesale unpleasantness of seasickness).

But for all the caution with which I view maritime adventure, I?ve always had a burning desire to go on a cruise holiday. Sun-kissed Mediterranean vacation, intrepid voyage through the Norwegian fjords, exotic trip along the coast of Chile ? it wasn?t so much the destination that appealed, as the simple allure of getting on a giant island of floating luxury, and indulging myself extravagantly.

I think, in analysing my cruising ambitions, that growing up watching old episodes of ?The Love Boat? on Zimbabwean television was largely to blame ? life at sea looked impossibly glamorous from landlocked, time-warped Africa, the polished blazers and neatly arranged romances all completely irresistible. And so my first experience of a cruise was primed to be a letdown after years of expectation, particularly if said experience was a single night, with the boat not even leaving harbour...

But a night on the MSC Sinfonia to welcome the ship to South Africa proved anything but a letdown; instead, it was a riotous, cocktail-infused adventure through multiple stories of intoxicating appeal, as the Sinfonia provided a glorious snapshot of what lies in wait for seafaring tourists this summer. I?ve had a soft spot for MSC since Salvatore Sarno, the company?s Italian boss, launched ?Shosholoza?, South Africa?s improbably successful America?s Cup entry, and so giving the cruise division a test drive had added appeal; with the Sinfonia spending the coming season working out of Durban, and the prospect of a genuine cruise early next year, the welcome party offered an ideal night to check out one rather large boat.

First stop: the cabins, small and functional, with just enough space for a bed, a wardrobe and a shower you?d politely describe as cosy. But on a ship with this much to offer, you won?t be using the cabin for anything but switching outfits, and grabbing snatches of sleep; cue a quick wardrobe change (linen shorts, tasselled leather slip-ons, a Panama hat ? I?ve watched enough episodes of ?Love Boat? to know what nautical attire involves), and an opening crack at what the Sinfonia?s kitchens have to offer.

Lunch was a buffet of the sort that attracts loud swarms of large Americans intent on demolishing whatever the kitchen can produce; a more discerning South African crowd opted to appreciate the calibre rather than quantity of culinary output, and in particular the variety borne of a ship that revels in its cosmopolitan identity.

Staff from across the planet (with names and countries on boldly-displayed badges) run the international cruise ship industry, and the Sinfonia is no different. The cuisine takes its cue from the staff, and so eastern spices and sub-continental curries compete for attention with classical European and nouveau flair. And so while consumption might not be on an American scale, the desire to taste a little of the vast swathe of offerings ? coupled with large plastic plates that could double as life rafts ? makes all meals substantial affairs.

Appetite sated (and a couple of fluorescent cocktails down), exploring the Sinfonia was the next task, and there is rather a lot of it to explore: 13 stories, seven bars, shopping centre, swimming pools, nightclub, theatre, casino, 777 cabins for a full house of 2087 guests. It?s a hulking behemoth, and yet still manages to cut an elegant shape on the water, and the external appeal is magnified once you?re inside.

?Making it out of the bars is your first challenge?

The Sinfonia is a recent addition to the MSC fleet, and so the polished wood and the shimmering white paint scheme have a barely-lived in feel, although it would take some time, one imagines, to wear in a vessel this size. The size is crucial to the cruise experience: from the reception and string of bars on the fifth floor, through to the golf simulator (seriously) on the 13th, there?s an awful lot of ship to discover.

Making it out of the bars is your first challenge; at the launch party, Shelagh?s Irish pub was operation central, Heineken draught flowing freely amongst vivid cocktails of simmering potency, as familiar faces got a taste of life on the Sinfonia. Pat Symcox recalled a cruise with Darren Scott for Hansie Cronje?s benefit, a blur of Jack Daniels on the high seas; Liezl van der Westhuizen drifted effortlessly through the crowds, comfortably taller than anyone on board; Wayne Fyvie and Jeremy Thomson fielded rugby questions from excitable fans; Mark Bayly, the adventurous woman?s Michael Mol, kept a steady presence, slipping away only occasionally to monitor the length of his designer stubble (he trims it three times a day); and the Greek model Dimitra Kouvelakis raised the temperature of the vessel by several degrees.

Dressing up for a fine dining experience

Escape from Shelagh?s (via Manhattan, a more sedate jazz lounge down the corridor, the sort of place Fitzgerald would have had Gatsby hang out in at sea), was eventually necessary for dinner, in the company of the aforementioned Fyvie; no vast buffet, but instead a carefully selected menu highlighted by a great piece of swordfish (which I continue to eat, despite having read Anthony Bourdain?s revelations of just what?s in swordfish), an excellent Italian red, and a suave Italian waiter who drew plenty of admiring glances from the women present, as well as one or two men. Dressing up for a fine dining experience on board is a seriously cool element of a cruise, and adds a stately touch of theatre to an evening at sea.

Less stately, perhaps, but more theatrical, the open air concert that wrapped up the night, cover band Tokyo Sky overseeing an enthusiastic, if somewhat eclectic dance floor; the ship?s nightclub proved elusive (I was looking around the wrong end of the boat, I discovered the next morning, which meant I?d missed it by three or four kilometres), but I?ll save it for next year, and the five day voyage I have planned up to Maputo and Portuguese Island (there?s a great two-for-one offer available); and that in turn will serve as an appetiser for a Mediterranean trip out of Barcelona for later in the year. Deep-sea fishing boats and cattle truck ferries are not for me, but cruise liners ? I?ve decided ? most certainly are.

The MSC Sinfonia departs from Durban from November through April on assorted cruises. For more information, visit www.starlightcruises.co.za or contact your travel agent. Click here for more great cruising packages.