Mosi-Oa-Tunya. ?The smoke that thunders?. And so it does. But right now the Victoria Falls are a deep, distant murmur as we chug upstream towards the setting sun. The first wink of the evening star. The last cry of the fish eagle. And then the whoops of three lager louts mooning us from an adjacent cruiser...

Oh dear. I had imagined my introduction to this ?natural wonder of the world? a little differently. But then, what can you expect from a sunset cruise that is universally dubbed the ?booze cruise?? Where pensioners, honeymooners, stag weekenders and corporate freebies are blended with rather less judgement than the gin and tonic?

The sunset is spectacular and I can?t fault the crew who keep the drinks flowing and certainly manage to laugh more loudly than I do at some of the more tiresome passengers? jokes. Perhaps it?s just that forced and intrusive bonhomie is no longer my thing, I think as we finally disembark on Zambian soil near Livingstone.

Angels in flight
Until recently, this dusty border town was a sleepy shadow of its Zimbabwean neighbour with the more obvious name: Victoria Falls. But recent disdain for the Mugabe regime has catapulted Livingstone ? whose view of the falls is no less spectacular ? into a Klondike for tourist dollars. Billed as the new ?adventure capital of Africa?, all the usual ?must-do? activities have sprung up virtually overnight.

?Scenes so lovely must have been gazed upon by angels in their flight,? wrote Dr David Livingstone, the first European to see Mosi-oa-Tunya, which he promptly renamed in honour of his queen (and not inappropriately: every guidebook ever since has described the Vic Falls as ?majestic?). But these days it?s not flights of angels but flocks of ?iron birds?, as locals describe the helicopters and microlights buzzing above, that claim to have the best view. It?ll cost you, though: US$80 for 15 minutes.

I opt against the microlight, though my companion swears the ride in his ?hairdryer with flaps? is exhilarating. But the heli flight arranged for 10am on Day Two sounds like fun. Alas, we wait to be picked up until after 10.30, when a hushed walkie-talkie conversation finally reveals that the flight has been cancelled since we are the only passengers (on comps, at that).

We reschedule for 2.30pm and, after five terse and urgent coded messages to confirm the pick-up (a complex military operation, it seems), we arrange to make our own way to the airstrip. Only to find ourselves stranded on the tarmac once again.

There?s yet another flurry of coded radio comm (Whisky-Alpha-November-Kilo-Echo-Romeo, mutters my companion) and yet another offer to reschedule. But no apology, which irks. Are we seriously meant to believe that being kept waiting for hours between connections to brief and expensive activities, which may not happen, is an essential part of the ?African Experience?? Perhaps we?ve just been unlucky. But the moral of the story is to make sure you have a ?confirmed? booking. And then reconfirm...

We eventually try another company, UAC, and get our 15 minutes of flight, complete with a view of two rainbows in the spray. Our airforce-trained pilot then reveals that his speciality is swooping guests over the falls in an original Tiger Moth. Goggles on, silk scarf billowing like Kristin Scott-Thomas in The English Patient ? go on, you know you want to! And at US$160 for half an hour I expect it?s relatively good value.

If your style is more Meryl-Streep-meets-Robert-Redford in Out of Africa, another romantic ?activity? is breakfast (US$80), lunch (US$90) or High Tea (US$75) on Livingstone Island. Perched at the lip of the cascade, you dine away from the crowds and in perfect tune with your breathtaking surrounds.

Adrenaline junkies
These days, of course, adrenalin junkies flock here for the whitewater rafting (US$95 a day), jetboating (US$60 a ride), bungee jumping (US$90) and quad-biking (US$55 for a short drive). But as far as I?m concerned, the biggest rush is also the cheapest. For US$10, you can walk along the cliffs facing the falls ? the reason you are here in the first place, after all.

Within seconds you?ll have gooseflesh ? not due to the clouds of warm water enveloping you but the enormity of the experience; the sheer power of Mother Nature. You can easily sit for hours, hypnotised by the even roar of up to 900 million litres per second of the untamed Zambezi thundering into the deep chasms below, disintegrating into spray, and condensing into clouds that either rain down on you or float away in the sky.

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